He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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