his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
