how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize