is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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