im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
