Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We got so high we made milksteak
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize