Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
