When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
