the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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