Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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