I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
