i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
