I wish I could teleport
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
