I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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