Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize