Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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