She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
