There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
