For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
