Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
