i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
