I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
