i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
