ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The power of my boobs compel you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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