I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
what day is it and did you see me today?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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