her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
wow bdsm is so cute
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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