and she was petting her beer can
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
