I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
