My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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