Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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