i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How does it feel to date your dad?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
