found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
