i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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