He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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