hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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