Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
