There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
