i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
