The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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