he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
