Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
