Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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