If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
