you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
