ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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