I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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