paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize