I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
