im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
