She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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