Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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