As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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