I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
