So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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