just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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