I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize