So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
