This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
