I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I need a beard to bite.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
