What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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