Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
