I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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