saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
